Couples Galore
by TemperanceBooth1
Summary: A random humor story that popped into my head. Read if you dare.
1. Farting and Past Obsessions

Selene, Michael, Lucian, Sonja, Kraven, and Erika were sitting in the mansion den just snuggling by the fireplace. There's a farting sound that you could hear most likely at least ten yards away. "Ewww! LUCIAN!" Sonja yelled at her husband.

"It wasn't me! It came from over there." He said pointing towards the other two couples.

"Michael!" Selene yelled.

"Don't look at me! I didn't do it."

Everyone stopped then looked to Kraven and Erika glaring at the two. "Sorry." Kraven said weakly.

"EWWW!" Erika screeched moving away from him. "Go wash up in the bathroom and take a god damn shower."

Selene nodded in agreement. "I don't normally agree with Erika, but I'm with her on this one."

Kraven grumbled and got up to get a shower. "I can't believe he did that." Erika said once Kraven was out of hearing shot.

"Makes me even more glad he's not my mate." Selene said snuggling closer to Michael who wrapped his arms around her waist. "No one is better than my Michael. Isn't that right, Mikey?"

Michael kissed her temple. "Right. But please don't call me Mikey ever again. Anything, but that."

Selene giggles. "Ok, Love. I'm sorry." She said sincerely and kissed the tip of his nose.

Sonja hissed. "My Lucian is way better! Right, Baby?"

He kissed his wife's head. "Don't drag ME into this. I love you, but I'm not wanting to get into an immortal fight over whose lover is better."

"Well, you're still better. Especially in bed." She whispered seductively and kissed him about to take his shirt off.

"Get a room!" Selene, Michael, and Erika yelled disgusted.

The two ignored them and just continued right there on the den floor. Michael completely repulsed by this, grabbed Selene bridal style and took her to their quarters. Erika just watched in aw horrified.

* * *

In the room with Selene and Michael. "I can't believe they would have sex right in the middle of the den floor." Michael said to his girlfriend.

"I know. It's so repulsive. I was about to hurl up my dinner when you grabbed me."

"I love you. You know that?"

"I know. I love you too, Michael. What I really don't get is that Sonja wants to ravage her husband when she's six months pregnant. That's not normal. She should be the opposite."

"I know, Hun. But maybe it's different with immortals. Maybe their sex drive increases instead of decreases when pregnant like a human. Humans for sure have harder times because the husband or boyfriend always seems to want sex with their pregnant significant other, but the pregnant woman does not. She's completely repulsed just by the thought of it. I speak from a doctor's point of view."

"Seems to me you should have always been a doctor, Mr. Corvin."

"Really? Why's that?"

"Because you have the brains for it and you're a natural. You saved my life when you didn't even know my name out of thin air when we crashed into the river a year ago. That's not something most people would have done. In fact most people would have let me drown and die in that river."

"I couldn't. I wouldn't. My doctor instincts took over and it's just what I do. Besides, if I hadn't, I'd be dead right now too thanks to Kraven who shot me with silver nitrate three times after trying to escape with you. I'm surprised he hasn't tried anything since I moved in here with you. Especially since he always had an infatuation with you."

"More like an obsession. He wouldn't ever leave me alone. In fact he tried forcing me into his bed with him a couple of times when I was first turned. Once my training to become a death dealer was over and I was officially one of them, he still kept trying to force me, but I was too strong for him and kicked his ass. I told Viktor and he scorned the bearocrat for trying to force me. But the first time I kicked the guy's ass, Viktor appraised me. Said that if he ever tries forcing me into his bed again, he gave me his full permission to kick his ass every time. I told Kraven of that revelation and he never tried force again. But he still lusted after me none the less. I turned him down every time and when he said a year ago I embarrassed him by awakening Viktor, he said something about having plans for us meaning him and I as a mated couple and I was pissed off. I told him straight out that there was no us and punched him in the nose breaking it. His face from the blow was absolutely priceless." She said laughing.

Michael laughed with her and pulled her to him when their laughter died down. "I can imagine. He must have been shocked to the brink of death."

"He was. He looked absolutely mortified and in horror. I left and laughed my ass off at that when I was finally alone."

Their door flew open and Kraven marched in grabbing Selene and kissing her roughly. "HEY! Get away from her!" Michael yelled punching him off her.

Selene was just too shocked to move. The sudden kiss shocked her into mortified horror and she just sat there unmoving until Kraven was pried off of her. "What the fuck?!" Kraven yelled getting back up.

Michael turned to Selene and hugged her. "You ok, Lene?"

The sound of Michael's voice brought her back to reality and she looked at him. "Uh, yeah. I'm fine. I was just in mortified horror at the sudden kiss."

"I saw. I knew it shocked you into unmoving, so I pried him off. You sure you're ok? No confusion or anything?"

"Confusion about what?"

"Your feelings."

"Absolutely not! Kraven is a traitorous, obsessive bastard who can't keep his hands off me." She said glaring at the bearocrat. "I'm yours, Michael James Corvin. Forever. I love you and anyone tries to take you from me, they won't live to see the light of day or if a vampire the moon of night again. You're mine forever and I am yours."

Michael smiled and pecked her lips. "I'm glad because I'm never letting you go. EVER."


	2. Dates

Kraven hissed. "I'll get you for this, CORVIN!"

Selene turned to the vampire. "You won't land a finger on him! If you want Michael, you have to go through me!" She hissed angrily.

Kraven glared at her then went back to the den where Erika was still looking totally in horror at the couple in the middle of the floor having animalistic sex. "Oh, Lucian." Sonja moaned. "OOHH. FUCK! YES!"

Kraven grabbed Erika and took her to their own quarters.

* * *

The next night, everyone was sexually satisfied and they gathered in the den. They were getting ready to go on their dates. Kraven and Erika were double dating at the fancy Brazilian restaurant downtown with Lucian and Sonja. Michael was taking Selene on a private picnic in the park. "Lets go, Sonja!" Kraven yelled. She was the only one not fully ready to go yet.

"I'm coming!" She yelled back flying into the den.

"FINALLY! We're gonna be late if we don't leave now." Kraven said exasperated.

Sonja stuck her tongue out at him and linked her arm with Lucian. Kraven stuck his back at her. "Stop it, You two. God, you're like two children." Erika said and they left.

Michael came in the den a minute later with the picnic basket and smiled at his girlfriend who was dressed in a long sleeveless elegant black v-neck dress and matching strappy heels. "I never thought I'd see the day when Selene Alexandra would wear heels. Or a dress. You look absolutely STUNNING."

"Don't get used to it. I just thought it appropriate for the occasion. You really think I look nice?"

"Don't get me wrong. I like your death dealer outfit, but the dress and heels make you look more..."

"Girly? Preppy? School girl?"

"I was going to say feminine. It brings out your lovely curves in all the right places and you look more like a humanistic woman than a ruthless killing death machine." Selene blushed at that. Michael laughed and took her to the park. They sat down on a blanket by the large round 3-layer water fountain. Michael set up some blood in wine glasses and pulled out some rare steak. "For my beautiful and stunningly gorgeous girlfriend." He said handing her a steak and a glass of blood.

Selene giggled. "Thank you." She said and ate some steak. She listened to the sounds of nature and the water fountain behind them looking at the full moon and dazzling stars. The couple ate in comfortable silence. Once they were both done eating, Michael pulled out a small velvet box and got on one knee. He cleared his throat and Selene looked at him.

"Selene Alexandra, will you marry me?" He asked smiling and opening the box to reveal a platinum band with red diamonds in it. Three small ones on each side of the big one.

Selene gasped and started crying. "Is this why you asked me out here tonight?"

Michael nodded. "It is. Selene, I love you with all my heart and I want to be with you for all eternity. Please be my wife?"

Selene nodded wiping her tears. "Yes. YES! Absolutely one hundred and twenty percent yes."

Michael smiled putting the ring on her finger and kissed her passionately.


	3. Restaurant and News

[With the other two couples at the restaurant]

The waitress walked up. "How is everyone's dinner?"

Sonja looked up. "It's delicious. The spinach stromboli is to die for."

Everyone nodded in agreement about their dishes and the waitress smiled and left. Kraven had gotten an eggplant parmesan, Lucian got lobster bisque soup, and Erika got the french onion soup. "This is a french restaurant and you all got Italian dishes. I'm the only one that got a french dish." Erika said.

"What's wrong with getting Italian dishes if they have it on the menu?" Sonja asked.

"Nothing. It just doesn't make a whole lot of sense is all."

A kid sitting behind Kraven was starting to throw spit balls at his head. Kraven ignored it for a little while until he finally just snapped. He turned around anger fully obvious on his face. "Ok, You Little Shithead. That is IT!" The other three looked horrified as Kraven's eyes turned cobalt blue and he bared his fangs.

Then a big muscular man stepped in front of the kid which frightened Kraven who looked absolutely terrified at the man. The kid smiled at Kraven and blew flying raspberries at him. The man punched Kraven in the eye which bruised instantly. "NOBODY messes with my son." He said and sat down again.

Kraven sat down again and touched his eye. "OW!"

Sonja and Lucian had left after paying their bill in the middle of the fight. Erika looked at him. "Oh, Kraven Baby. Lets pay and go home. I don't wanna see any more trouble." He did just that and the couple left.

* * *

When everyone got home, they gathered in the den by the fire. Selene and Michael just walked through the door hand in hand smiling. "Anyone home?" Selene called.

"In the den." Sonja called back.

The couple walked in the den and stood in front of them. Erika raised her eyebrow. "What's going on? Why so smiley?"

Selene giggled. "Sonja, would you be my maid of honor?"

"Maid of honor? For what?" She asked then realization dawned on her. "OH! You're getting married?"

Selene nodded. "Michael proposed after dinner under the full moon. I was so stunned, I didn't know what to make of it at first."

"Of course I will then." She said getting up and dragging her to her quarters to start wedding planning.

Michael looked at Lucian who shrugged. "Don't look at me. Women are complicated."

Michael nodded. "Agreed. So will you be my best man?"

"Sure thing, Michael. Anything for a brother."

"Brother as in...?"

"You are part lycan. Lycans are pack animals and we are brothers like a family."

"I see. Guess that does make sense."

* * *

[With the sisters]

Sitting on the bed, the two were looking for wedding dresses. "So why'd you ask me to be your maid of honor?" Sonja asked curiously.

"You're my sister and the closest friend I have in this whole mansion. Plus, Erika isn't cut out for the job and I don't trust anyone else."

"Adopted dark sister yes. And I understand. So who do you want for bridesmaids?"

"Erika since she's the only other person I can trust in that position, but that's it. No one else."

"Alright. I bet Michael will ask Lucian to be best man given he is the one that sired him originally and the fact that they're like brothers being lycans."

"They have become close friends in the last year. But Michael is only half lycan. Although you are correct about the rest."

Sonja nodded then stopped on a page. "Ooh. How about this one, Selene?"

Selene looked at the dress she pointed to. "No. It's too girly for me. I want something more gothicy like the one I have on."

Michael walked in. "What you two ladies up to?"

They looked at him. "Looking for a wedding dress. Have you picked your best man and groomsmen?"

"Lucian is best man. As for groomsmen, just Kraven. But that's just to keep a close eye on him in case he would ever try anything."

Selene nodded in understanding. "Tell Erika she's my bridesmaid will you?"

Michael nodded and went to do so.


End file.
